


we'[e]d be

by luluyulu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, flatmates, sharing flat, sharing weed, smoking weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25922971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luluyulu/pseuds/luluyulu
Summary: Soobin will admit that he imagined kissing Yeonjun a couple of times since he had realised he had any kind of feelings for him. And it was okay, it was bearable. Those moments when they were eating together and his eyes would linger a bit too long on his flatmate’s lips, or when they would watch a movie and it just so happened that Soobin was more interested in Yeonjun’s face than the screen of his laptop.It was fine, he could take it because it wasn’t happening all the time, it wasn’t like Soobin would sit in class and instead of doing notes he would be daydreaming about Yeonjun and his plump lips and his hazel eyes and his warm hands and-The point is that it hadn’t been like that up until that particular evening 2 weeks ago on his balcony that still makes his knees wobble, because now he catches himself throughout the day so many times that he’s stopped counting.(or: Soobin and Yeonjun share a flat, but as it later turns out they also share feelings for each other)
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 146





	we'[e]d be

When Soobin pushes the door to his shared apartment open all lights are out, no sign of his flatmate in sight. He shrugs off first his black backpack and then his thick woollen blazer follows, even before turning the lights on. He slips out of his shoes, too tired to be bothered about untying them and just leaves it in the middle of the hallway to deal with later.

He blindly reaches for the light switch somewhere on his right not wanting to risk going all the way across to his room in the complete darkness. He finally feels the white plastic under his fingers and pushes it, lighting the room. The blue, round chandelier above his head is giving off a warm shade of light which guides him to the closed wooden door of his bedroom.

He twists the knob which makes an unpleasant squeaky sound and gets inside. But there he’s met with coldness from the outside, it makes him shiver and chills run up his spine. The blue curtains are pushed open just the same as the sliding door leading to the small balcony-the only one in the apartment. 

He lets out an irritated puff, his lips getting into a pout. That draws attention from the person who is standing outside, with an almost finished joint in between his long fingers. He turns around and smiles slightly at Soobin, the orange glow from the street lights falling on his face and letting Soobin see his features more or less clearly.

“Hey, Binnie!” Yeonjun says before the spliff makes its way to his full lips again for the last time, after that his point finger squeezes it against the ashtray to put it down. He then enters the room and slides the door closed. That leaves the room in complete gloom so Soobin quickly reaches down to his nightstand and puts the light on. It doesn’t make too much of a difference but it’s always better.

Without the flowing of the fresh outside air, Soobin can make out the smell of weed from Yeonjun, a smell he’s never been familiar with up until half a year ago when they’d started living together. 

It’s weird, the scent reminds him of something else but he just can’t remember what it was. Except the weed is actually stronger, stronger and more prickly. It always makes the back of his throat itch, and he’s never even been close to smoking it.

But with the way Yeonjun always feels so relaxed and bubbly after it, he sometimes thinks that maybe he should start.

“Yeah, hi.” He answers finally and wishes that his voice sounded even just slightly more irritated. To let the other know this is annoying, to let him know that all he wanted was to bury himself under the warm covers of his big, soft and comfortable bed and just sleep until Sunday morning. But what he came back to was his balcony door wide open making his room freezing cold that now he doesn’t even want to be there anymore. Not only that but now it’s filled with the smell he’d put in his top 5 most hated ones.

But he just can’t bring himself to. Because it takes just one smile from Yeonjun and Soobin’s knees go weak. All of a sudden he doesn’t mind the low temperature, the smell, anything really - he doesn’t mind that much. He feels pathetic for that, for his little crush on his hot flatmate that with time has become not that little anymore.

“I just wanted to smoke. Hope you don’t mind.” Yeonjun says with a smile on his lips. Standing a few feet away from Soobin, he’s playing with the hem of his loose hoodie’s sleeve. Besides weed Soobin can also smell a distinct fragrance of his flowery perfume he’s probably sprayed himself in the morning, so those are just remainings. He wishes he could just bury his face into the other’s neck and snuggle until the subtle note of gardenia lulls him to sleep.

“It’s fine.” Pathetic.

“Do you wanna watch something?” Yeonjun asks. They’d started a tradition of checking out new movie releases together at the end of the week. Fridays are those days when all you want to do is relax after the hard week, and just take your mind off of things which are just not pleasant to think about-work, school, family… whatever. Or rather, Fridays used to be those days for Soobin because since he’d started working in a coffee shop his Friday evenings always end up with him falling asleep as soon as he gets home. And today is no exception.

“I’m kinda tired, sorry.” He truly is. He wishes he had enough energy inside him left to even take a shower, not to mention any entertaining activities even if they include Yeonjun.

At his answer, the other’s face drops, a frown forms on his lips but it doesn’t last that long. He shrugs it off and starts heading into the general area of the door.

“Maybe next time.” Soobin adds and twists his lips into a small smile that makes his cheeks go round.

The other grins at him and comes closer. He puts one of his palms on Soobin’s shoulder. It’s cold, surely because he‘d been standing in the cold autumn air, different from how they naturally are lukewarm. He squeezes Soobin’s shoulder and looks him close in the eyes. His pupils are wide but it’s not that noticeable since they have a dark colour. 

“Next time, sure! Don’t overwork yourself, though Soobinie.” He says and then heads out leaving behind him nothing but the specific aroma. 

... 

The  _ next time  _ comes two weeks later, on Friday evening. Soobin only had three classes in the morning but he wasn’t at work, having switched shifts with his coworker who needed to leave earlier on next Tuesday. 

Walking back to the apartment he stops by in the corner shop and buys some snacks hoping he and Yeonjun could have their movie night later today. If not he’ll just eat the crisps and gummies alone, no problem.

At home, he rearranges his bed a bit, changes the covers because the smell isn’t too inviting. He cleans the floor and swipes the dust off the furniture. He’s feeling energetic and that attitude allows him to also take care of the rest of their apartment. 

When he’s finished all floors are clean, all pairs of shoes are on the rack and the wooden countertops in the kitchen don’t have anything redundant on them. It’s almost 5 p.m. by then which means Yeonjun is going to appear soon, after finishing his classes. 

Outside it’s already getting dark, typical for the time of the year. It’s not Soobin’s favourite but he doesn’t hate it, it’s just a bit frustrating with him usually having to work. Coming home when it’s already dark, plus the coldness is nothing nice or pleasant. 

Soobin settles himself on the couch waiting for his flatmate to come. He curls his legs under himself and reaches to the small Ikea table in front of him and takes the TV remote. When he turns it on he sees it was left on some news channel. He doesn’t pay that much attention to it though and instead fishes his phone out of the pocket of his jeans, the presenter’s voice talking about politics is just a white noise in the background.

On the lock screen there are no new notifications. He searches for a movie he could suggest Yeonjun. He checks the review blog he’d found a long time ago by an accident and since then has been reading once in a while. There are some new positions, there’s the newer Disney movie - that seems like a good type. He clicks on it wanting to read the person’s opinion.

He only manages to read through the first few sentences of the introduction and there’s the sound of the front door opening. Soobin locks his phone and turns his head into the direction of the hall. He sees Yeonjun taking off his jacket and then shoes seemingly not aware that Soobin is already in the apartment.

“Hey.” Soobin says, startling the older a bit. He quickly turns looks up from his shoes who he was untying. Soobin stands from the sofa to meet the other. Yeonjun’s face relaxes once he sees him and he throws him a sweet smile.

“Soobin! I thought you were working tonight.” 

“No, I switched witch Chaeyoung. She needs a free day next week.” Yeonjun nods and heads into the bathroom, leaving the door open so Soobin knows he can follow him. He washes his hands while Soobin leans against the doorframe. “I thought, maybe we could watch a movie? There’s this new Disney one.” He mentions and it comes out a bit too shy and unconfident for his liking. “If you want, of course.”

The other grins at him widely and turns the tap. Then reaches for the small, white towel on the side. “Yeah, sure.” Soobin nods eagerly, in excitement. He rushes to his room, on his way throwing only “I’ll set it up”.

Yeonjun puts down the towel back into its place. He checks his face and hair in the mirror in front of him to make sure he looks presentable. He runs his hand through his yellow bangs, it’s not bad.

  
  
  


The ending credits start rolling on the screen so Yeonjun exits the full-screen mode and sets the laptop aside, on the white top of Soobin’s side table. The movement, despite Yeonjun’s efforts, slightly stirs the head resting on his left shoulder. 

Soobin lifts his head and blinks hazily, sleep still in his eyes. He nodded off about halfway into the movie, the effect of the tiredness after a whole week of afternoon shifts. Yeonjun noticed right away when the breath that was falling on the side of his neck became more steady and calm. 

“I fell asleep?” Soobin asks as if he wasn’t really sure, his voice a little hoarse. 

Yeonjun looks at him, to the side. The only source of light is the computer’s screen but he still can clearly make out the shape of the other’s lips forming into a pout. He puts his palm into Soobin’s hair and runs his fingers through it in a soft manner. A nod from him only makes the younger’s frown deepen. 

“It’s okay, you were just tired. We can always rewatch but honestly, it wasn’t even that great.”

“Oh…” 

Yeonjun gives him one last pat and reluctantly takes his hand away. He rolls out from under the cover but is careful to put it back in Soobin so he doesn’t get cold.

“Do you wanna go back to sleep?” To his surprise the younger shakes his head for a no. That makes his brown bangs fall into his eyes and he quickly runs his fingers through it to put the strands back. It makes it look a little messy but he doesn’t seem to notice.

Yeonjun nods, happy with the other’s response. He fishes to one of his hoodie pockets and after a few seconds finds what he was looking for. He takes out a joint and holding it up asks Soobin “You mind if I smoke?”

Soobin, despite himself, shakes his head as if it doesn’t bother him and looks at the other pulling the curtains open and sliding the balcony door. He keeps it only slightly ajar when he’s already stepped out for Soobin’s temperature comfort. He observes Yeonjun take out the lighter and kindles the weed. He takes a long inhale and then breathes out a big cloud of smoke. He leans his body against the railing and when his eyes meet Soobin’s he smiles slightly. The younger also does, showing his dimples and then looks away a bit embarrassed, he can feel his ears getting hot and red.

“You know, I’ve never done that.” He says trying to be loud enough for the other to hear him the first time. When he sees Yeonjun’s confused expression he guesses he didn’t hear. So he stands up but doesn’t unwrap himself from the blanket, letting it rest on his shoulders. 

Soobin steps outside and despite the thick fabric surrounding him he can still feel the cold temperature, he doesn’t know how Yeonjun manages to look that comfortable wearing only a hoodie. He gets closer to him and can smell the scent which makes his throat itch. He reconsiders repeating himself not being sure anymore. 

But it’s too late to do that because Yeonjun has heard him. “You’ve never done what?” He says talking another puff and then blowing out the smoke, careful not to put it in Soobin’s face.

The younger gestures to the now half-used spliff. “I’ve never smoked weed.”

“Ah…” Soobin really hopes for the other to get the implication because he doesn’t think he can straightforward ask him to share. “Do you want some?”

He nods, happy the other got it. It’s true he hates the smell and all but at the same time, it seems like something he’d like to check out of the list of the things he’s done in his life. As an experience.

Yeonjun hands him the joint. “Just take in, then hold and let out. Like with cigs, more or less. Similar. Don’t take too much, tho.”

Soobin has no idea how do you smoke cigarettes or what exactly does  _ too much  _ mean. “Too much?” He asks confused. 

“Um, yeah like… I’ll show you?” Soobin makes a little noise in the back of his throat for agreement. Yeonjun steps in front of him so that they are facing each other. Their faces are close, close enough for Soobin to feel butterflies rising in his stomach but far enough for Yeonjun to fit the spliff in between his full lips. The end of the joint incandescents and then his hand makes it’s way back down but not quite - it lands on the railing to the side of Soobin’s left hip. His gaze is fully focused on the older’s lips, now sealed closed when he holds it in. They look so soft and plush, shiny with saliva from when the other dragged his tongue against the flesh. 

Soobin wants nothing more but to check how would it feel to have them against his, or anywhere else on his body. The thought occupies his mind and makes him blush, he hopes it’s not that visible in the dim light of the streetlights. Time feels to slow down and he almost forgets why he was looking at Yeonjun’s lips in the first place. That’s until the smoke makes his way out of his lungs again, then his lips fall slightly open and the thick white cloud comes out with his breath. 

Before Soobin can really think about it he draws in closer and cracks his mouth open so that the smoke is re-inhaled by him. He closes his eyelids and swallows it and holds inside his body, hoping it’s the right thing to do. The weed itself tastes nothing good, it’s pretty bitter and makes his throat dry. He has an urge to cough it out. But there’s something else to that, or maybe he convinces himself there is, something sweet and nice, something which he imagines is what Yeonjun tastes like. He wants more of that, he savours it and forgets about the unpleasant feeling that itches his lungs.

He doesn’t know how much time passed when he feels hot breath on the side to this face, next to his ear and then a soft voice telling him to breath out. He does, slowly opening his eyes a few seconds later to find the other staring at him, the gaze is so intensive it’s pinning him in one place, motionless. Even if he wanted to move, which he really doesn’t, he thinks couldn’t.

It’s so silent that he could hear a needle fall. Soobin doesn’t know if he should say anything, do anything. All he wants to do is taste the other again.

“I um-” He tries but it’s hard to come up with anything purposeful with his hazy state of mind, and he knows that this one inhale of weed isn’t at fault. He looks right into Yeonjun’s eyes while saying the next words. “Can you… show me again?”

The other doesn’t say anything, just nods slowly. Soobin expects him to take a step back again, so he’ll be able to take another drag. Instead, Yeonjun’s head turns to his right and inhales the pot. It’s quicker this time, like he’s eager to get back into the previous position as soon as possible. 

When he does it’s even closer than before, his nose is touching Soobin’s. He can smell his aftershave now so clearly despite the strong smell of weed surrounding them, it’s like his senses are filtering everything that is Yeonjun from everything else.

Soobin’s eyes fall closed while his lips fall open just like the first time, waiting for the smoke to make its way inside his mouth. This time it feels even better, more intense. He tries his best to seclude the bitter taste of the pot and push it to the back of his throat, he doesn’t need that. It’s just an excuse.

He drowns himself in the feeling of Yeonjun’s taste in his mouth. It’s overwhelming, his knees feel wobbly like they’re ready to give out any moment. He pushes his forehead against Yeonjun’s as if that would help to brace himself in any way. Then he feels the warm breath on the side on his face again, it’s like deja vu from what happened a few minutes ago. He’s prepared to hear the other’s command to breath out again, he really doesn’t want to.

But instead what was warm breath becomes a warm touch when Yeonjun starts sliding his nose against his cheek. And then the touches become wet when his plush lips plant little kisses against his skin. Despite himself, Soobin lets out a shuddering breath with all of the smoke coming out of his lungs. But the feeling of Yeonjun’s lips against his skin makes for the loss of his taste in Soobin’s mouth. The kisses get closer and closer to his mouth making him all squirmy and excited. He waits in anticipation for the feeling of Yeonjun’s lips against his own and when he feels the corner of his mouth being touched he thinks that it’s finally going to happen suddenly the feeling is gone, Yeonjun squirms away.

He wants to whine at the loss but has enough strength to suppress it in the back of his throat, just like he was doing it with the smoke. In lieu of that, he opens his eyes. He’s happy to find the other’s face still close to his. He looks straight into Yeonjun’s eyes who this time are soft, pleading a silent question.

“Soobin-” Comes meekly from Yeonjun.

Soobin lifts his hands and places them on the back of Yeonjun’s neck, the blanket that was covering his shoulders falls to the dirty balcony floor but he couldn’t care less. He can’t wait any longer and just firmly presses his lips against Yeonjun’s. It’s quick, he drags his face away almost immediately, waiting for any sort of reaction. It wasn’t even a proper kiss, just a touch, a peck at peak but it has an unexplained effect on him. He feels hot all over despite the loss of the blanket that was shielding him from the freezing air.

It wasn’t supposed to be anything much but it turns out to be enough.

The remainings of the spliff that was resting in between Yeonjun’s fingers fall to the ground, or rather to Soobin’s precious duvet. He makes a surprised noise-it’s going to be damaged. 

But then, his attention is taken away from the butt burning a hole in the comforter by soft hands travelling up and down his exposed arms making him feel like his skin is on fire. He lightly pets the skin on the back of Yeonjun’s neck, tries to draw him in closer to his body, closer to his lips. It seems to be working, the older is getting closer and closer, his palms rest on the undersides of Soobin’s elbows who are being folded by the shortage of the distance between them. He can’t help the lazy smile that blooms on his lips, thinking he’s about to get what he’s been dreaming about for so so long.

Yeonjun’s hands find Soobin’s on his neck and he threads his fingers through the younger’s. It’s a sweet gesture that makes Soobin feel even warmer on the inside. But what comes next disappoints him. Yeonjun delicately, but surely takes his hands off of his neck. He gives them a squeeze before carefully dropping them to Soobin’s sides. The younger is confused with the action.

Yeonjun keeps looking at him, right into his eyes. His gaze is serious but it also has a certain softness to it and Soobin finds his body gravitating towards the older’s. All he wants to be is closer to him. And it would be so easy, just to raise his hands again and rest them somewhere on the older’s body, anywhere.

But he doesn’t allow himself to do that, thinking that it could make the other uncomfortable. The thought makes his insides twitch, it was hard to have feelings for his flatmate and suspect not having any chance with him. But to know for sure, to have a proof the other isn’t interested at all… Yeah, that’s worse, that’s unbearable.

Suddenly he feels ashamed for his earlier moves. He drops his gaze down, focusing on his green socks.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Binnie no...no I-” Yeonjun’s fingers lift Soobin’s chin making their eyes meet again. The touch is light and quick, Soobin blinks and it’s already gone. Soobin sees him taking a deep breath of the night air, it looks as if he’s bracing himself for something. “You have no idea how much I actually wanna kiss you.”

Soobin’s eyes widen in surprise because he definitely wasn’t expecting this kind of words, he’s so confused. A small part of his brain is bouncing in happiness and excitement because that isn’t a rejection from Yeojun, is it?

Then why did he react like that?

The other’s voice takes him out of his thoughts. “But… I’m half high and that’s just not a good idea.”

Well, okay Soobin can work with that as long as Yeonjun means them kissing isn’t a good idea only in this moment and not like… whensoever. So he nods to show that he understands and he even manages to throw a dimpled smile at Yeonjun when he leaves the small space of the balcony and goes to his room.

...

Soobin will admit that he imagined kissing Yeonjun a couple of times since he had realised he had any kind of feelings for him. And it was okay, it was bearable. Those moments when they were eating together and his eyes would linger a bit too long on his flatmate’s lips, or when they would watch a movie and it just so happened that Soobin was more interested in Yeonjun’s face than the screen of his laptop.

It was fine, he could take it because it wasn’t happening all the time, it wasn’t like Soobin would sit in class and instead of doing notes he would be daydreaming about Yeonjun and his plump lips and his hazel eyes and his warm hands and-

The point is that it hadn’t been like that up until that particular evening 2 weeks ago on his balcony that still makes his knees wobble, because now he catches himself throughout the day so many times that he’s stopped counting.

Despite Yeonjun’s words, and the lack of rejection towards Soobin nothing has happened since then. At first, Soobin hoped that they would talk about it or… okay, he hoped Yeonjun would just kiss him the next morning right then and there in their kitchen where Soobin was munching on his cheerios.

That did not happen, actually nothing has happened since then. And on the one hand, he’s happy because he wouldn’t want something to shift in their relationship, for it to become awkward just because he can’t hide his feelings. 

He remembers Yeonjun’s words, actually he rewinds it in his mind over and over again. However it seems that Yeonjun does not, or maybe he just pretends. Soobin, in his confused state googles if weed can make people forget things. He finds out that it is likely to not remember what was happening while the person was high. But then again, was a bit than half of a joint even able to make a person high? In the end, Yeonjun himself said he was only  _ half high _ . So instead of clearing up his mind, it makes it only messier.

“I think you should just openly confront him about it.” Says Taehyun, while they are cleaning the cafe after the last customer has left. Like every Friday they are cleaning thoroughly after the whole week. It’s not that bad, except for dusting off the shelves which Soobin absolutely hates. It makes his nose tingle and he sneezes every few seconds.

“Like wh-” A drilling in his nose again but this time it doesn’t end up with a sneeze. He tosses the cloth he was wiping with, so he can finish. “Like what? It wouldn’t be fair to just tell him about it, he wasn’t sober.”

“It doesn’t matter, hyung. He said what he said, he gave you hope and now what? You’re obviously head over heels for him.” His friend states like it’s the most obvious thing in the world which makes Soobin’s cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Mostly because it’s true.

“I don’t know.” Soobin says hopelessly. He knows that Taehyun is right, well at least kind of. It would probably take a huge stone of off his heart, but he’s just so afraid of fucking up their friendship. 

He finishes the last shelf and then heavily plops himself down on the nearest chair. The furniture squeaks with the impact of his weight he’s put on it. Taehyun also seems to be finished with cleaning the countertop because soon he’s right next to Soobin. Taehyun stands behind him and lightly massages Soobin’s shoulders, it’s nice and makes him relax. Despite the chair not being too comfortable he thinks he could easily nod off.

“Come on, hyung. Let’s go.” He says and with one last pat to Soobin’s shoulder he stands in front of him. “I have plans for tonight.”

Soobin has no idea how his friend manages to have any energy left for any kind of plans. Maybe it’s the youth, Soobin thinks.

  
  


They change into their regular clothes and not soon after are closing the heavy, metal doors of the venue. Taehyun is the one to take the keys because he has a morning shift on Sunday. Soobin is happy with that because Sundays are always the worse, while during the week most customers are people from the campus, who usually just take their coffee to go and are gone, on weekends it’s packed with families with little kids, thanks to the tasty pastries and cookies they sell. It’s way too loud and busy for Soobin’s liking.

They take the same bus because Taehyun lives only a few stops away from Soobin and Yeonjun’s apartment complex. The vehicle is relatively empty at this hour, after 11 p.m. except for a group of boys in the back whose outfits suggest they are going to a party. Soobin doesn’t even remember the last time he was invited to a party, or the last time he would even have time to go to one. 

He rests his head against the window, hoping to have a nap but Taehyun forces the subject of Yeonjun again.

“Hyung, seriously talk to him. I keep seeing you so sad…” Soobin wants to argue because in fact, he is not sad. He’s confused and hopelessly in love, that’s for sure but it doesn’t make him miserable. But Taehyun corrects himself. “Okay, not sad but like… off. I don’t know.”

“What would I even say, though? He doesn’t remember what he said an-”

“First of all, you don’t know for sure if he doesn’t remember.” Soobin wants to argue again but Taehyun pays no mind to him and just continues. “And even if...” He puts heavy accent of the  _ if _ . “So what? Just tell him how you feel.”

“What? No, no!” He says a bit too loudly for the fact that they are seated in an almost empty bus. “That doesn’t make sense at all. I can’t just tell him out of nowhere that I l-like him.”

Taehyun shakes his head. “Hyung, what do you mean  _ out of nowhere _ ? It doesn’t matter if he remembers what he’s said to you. It doesn’t matter because you’ve been gushing over this guy for over a year and even if that didn’t happen nothing would change, right?” Soobin nods dumbly, it makes sense. “So just tell him, rip the bandage off. Quickly, just get over with it.”

“But it’s not that easy.” Soobin groans. “I don’t want to ruin what we have. I know he’s said what he’s said but even if that was true… wanting to kiss someone doesn’t equal liking them.”

“Soobin hyung, I get it but you could have more than that. And even if it ruins things between the two of you, I’m sorry but that will be for the better. Hyung, you probably are going to live together until one of you finishes uni. So what like? Two, three years? And what? You’re not gonna date anyone because you gonna have this little hope he also likes you. That’s nonsense.”

They’re are quiet after that, Soobin deep in his thoughts. He knows Taehyun is right, as hard as it is to admit that. 

Soon enough it’s Taehyun’s stop so he gives Soobin a light hug and tells him to get some rest over the weekend. Soobin forces a tight smile, still deep into his thoughts. His mind doesn’t uncloud for the rest of the ride, nor while his walk to the apartment.

...

Soobin enters his bedroom wanting nothing else than to throw himself on the bed and fall asleep. But instead, he sees the sliding door to his balcony wide open. Yeonjun is outside, he didn’t see Soobin yet. He’s playing with a lighter that is in between his fingers. And he can’t explain it but he’s just so happy to see him. His day was shit and he’s exhausted but the sight of his flatmate just makes him feel relieved and so light, like he’s floating above the ground.

And in that moment he knows he just has to tell him about how he feels. And he should do that soon, he should… he should do it now before he has a chance to start overanalyzing it and chicken out.

But wait… Yeonjun’s out on the balcony. Was he smoking? Is he about to smoke? If he already has then it’s done, he won’t talk to him now and repeat the pattern. Then, he sees the white joint between his fingers. Soobin’s heart stops for a moment but when he sees that the end isn’t incandescent he feels like he can breathe again. 

Not thinking much, he throws his backpack to the floor and rushes out past the balcony’s threshold. 

“Hyung!” Yeonjun turns around quickly, in surprise. At first, his eyes widen in confusion but then he calms down, seeing Soobin in front of him. He opens his mouth, probably to greet the younger but Soobin doesn’t let him. “Wait, you haven’t smoked yet, have you?”

Yeonjun seems confused at the question, but doesn’t say anything and just shakes his head in denial. “Okay, good… Good.” He feels nervous, he doesn’t want to back off now but… how exactly do you confess to someone? 

Soobin gets closer to Yeonjun and practically pins him against the railing, but then he takes a step back, not wanting to force himself on the other. Breathe in and out, he’s sure he can do this.

“Is everything okay?” Yeonjun puts his hand on Soobin’s elbow and squeezes lightly. The younger can’t help himself but smile. The touch braces him and he has more courage to continue.

“Yeah, just….” Breathe in and out. He can do this. “Do you remember the first time I’ve smoked weed?” He asks and it sounds a bit funny, like he’s asking about some old memory from years ago and not something that happened a fortnight ago.

“Um, yeah. Why?” Yeonjun asks, his hand still hasn’t left Soobin’s arm.

“Do you remember what… what you said to me?” At that Yeonjun’s hand drops and Soobin really misses it because now he feels like it was holding him in place. Yeonjun’s eyes quickly travel to the right, away from Soobin’s and in that moment Soobin is sure he does remember. Even if his words don’t confirm that.

“No, not really.” He says, trying to be nonchalant but Soobin can see his guddle right away. “I was kinda high and… “

“Oh, so you don't remember us sharing the weed? And then you telling me you wanted to kiss me?” Soobin is actually surprised at how calm his voice seems because on the inside he feels all shaky and like his stomach is about to explode.

Yeonjun still doesn’t look at him, he’s playing nervously with the unlighted spliff in between his fingers. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… “ He says quietly, shaking his head as in disbelief.

“So you do remember?”

“No! I-” Yeonjun’s eyes quickly shoot up to meet Soobin’s gaze. To his relief, there’s not a trace of anger or irritation in his eyes. His warm, brown orbs are looking at him closely but carefully. His expression is neutral, he just wants to get his answer and come clear.

“Did you mean it? When you said you wanted to kiss me, did you mean it?” His voice comes out quiet and unsure. Asking this so straightforward is truly nerve-wracking but maybe the time to stop beating around the bush has finally come. Soobin thinks that no matter how this conversation ends he’s going to congratulate himself later because that may be just one of the bravest things he’s ever done.

_ Do it quickly, just rip the bandage off. _ Taehyun’s words ring in his head. And it really does feel like that. Like when his mother would sit him on the kitchen counter when he was still a child and say  _ “we have to check how your knee is healing” _ after he had an accident on his little, red bike. And there was this moment of silence and waiting for the sting of pulling his skin along with the glue from the band-aid. When he would shut his eyes closed in hope it’s going to hurt a little less if he doesn’t see it.

And this is exactly that moment, when Yeonjun looks into his eyes again. His expression is unreadable and Soobin doesn’t know what is about to come but he braces himself for the pain because that’s what’s the most likely. Except this time he doesn’t close his eyes, they stay on the older’s and he just waits, and waits… and waits. He feels like it’s been forever when Yeonjun finally opens his mouth.

Sometimes, not often, the sting wouldn’t come, Soobin can’t quite explain that. Maybe it had to do with the temperature of the room, or maybe the moisture. With his eyes still closed he would just feel his mom lightly tapping the skin under where the denim shorts were resting on his lanky legs and she let him know it was all done. He always couldn’t quite believe her then, so he’d open only one of his eyes first to check if she wasn’t joking. She never was.

“Of course I did-” He takes a deep breath in contrast to Soobin who feels the air get stuck inside his lungs at his words. Soobin feels a smile creeping up his full cheeks but he fights it back waiting for Yeonjun to finish. What if there comes a  _ but  _ from him? What if… ”You know how they say drunk words are sober thoughts?” He lets out a small, awkward laugh as if he’s joking but not quite, a hint of fear hides in the back of the giggle. “Well, in that case I wasn’t drunk so… but it’s the same. I mean- I mean almost like it’s different but the feeling is li-“ he starts babbling, getting lost in his explanations. Soobin thinks this is the most nervous and unsure he’s ever seen him. If his heart wasn’t stuck all the way up in his throat from his own feelings he’d probably laugh, finding it funny. But he still finds it cute now.

Soobin puts his shaky palms on Yeonjun’s shoulders which makes him quiet on instance. Soobin hopes it’s because it calms him down, the way he wanted. The fabric of his hoodie is very soft under his fingertips and he digs them a bit further. This time he’s not going to let him go that easily. 

“Sober thoughts?” The older nods lightly. “And you are sober now.” Another nod. “So… are your thoughts the same now?”

Yeonjun blinks a few times, the look on his face is blank and he doesn’t say anything for a moment. When he finally does, instead of a reply comes another question. “You mean like…?”

“About me.”

“Not quite. Similar but not the same.”

Soobin takes his hands away from Yeonjun’s body.

This bandage is coming off painfully slow. But he already started peeling it off, he can’t just leave it dangling to his knee.

Three, two, one.

“Hyung, I like you.” And it’s done. “More than a friend.”

Yeonjun remains silent, he blinks once then twice fully focusing on Soobin’s face whose cheeks became hot and red. Yeonjun feels the burn of the other’s skin under his fingertips when he places both of his hands on either side of his face. He runs his thumbs along the delicate skin under Soobin’s eyes where his tiredness puddles in the form of darker eye bags.

Soobin likes the touch of Yeonjun’s soft fingers on his face. He leans into it, despite feeling unsure and hesitant he can’t drop his eyes. With the way the older isn’t shying away with his touches, Soobin feels a wave of courage and brings his own palms back on Yeonjun’s shoulders. More unconsciously than not he starts playing with the edges of the soft material of Yeonjun’s hood.

“Please say something.”

Then, Yeonjun fully closes the distance, both between their faces and bodies. His plush lips come in contact with Soobin’s and he hopes they don’t feel too chopped. This time it’s a real kiss - different from when Soobin had just pressed their lips for a short while. Yeonjun’s lips are sliding against his in slow and unrushed peace that he’s setting. It feels unreal for it to finally be happening and Soobin is too caught up to do anything more than return the slow kisses, not even thinking about taking the initiative. Instinctively, he drapes his arms on Yeonjun and hooks them behind his neck. He pulls him closer and holds him in a steady embrace, despite his arms and legs feeling like they are made of cotton. 

Yeonjun’s hands stay on Soobin’s face, his thumbs palming soft patterns on his full cheeks, then sliding to his jaw and landing on the shell of his ear when he finally pulls off, completely out of breath. Soobin whines at the loss of contact this time, and then lets out a shuddering breath, finally being able to breathe properly again. Despite that, he tries chasing the touch with his lips and get another kiss. Yeonjun smiles at the cute sight in front of him and bestows Soobin’s pouty lips with one last brush of his fuller ones before pulling away. He thumbs at the younger’s ear, lightly pulling on it. He rests his forehead against Soobin’s and their noses squish together making them both smile.

“Need I say more?” Yeonjun asks which earns a quiet laugh from Soobin. Yeonjun nudges his head forward to make Soobin open his eyes, then he pushes away to be able to look at the other. Soobin opens his eyes lazily, his lips, red from kissing, are still spreaded in a smile. He shakes his head left and right to answer Yeonjun’s question.

“I think I got the message.” Soobin says before diving in, to capture the other’s lips in another kiss which he eagerly complies to.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading  
> please leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed, it means a lot <3


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